This is the first entry Jhae has written in the second person’s view. For those whom might not know what is that, I will give a brief description of how such a writing style works. ‘First person’ perspective is the one you play Counter Strike in, where you see yourself. It is usually represented by words like ‘I’ and ‘Me’. The third person view would be like watching a movie, using ‘him’, ‘her’ or ‘Amir’. And for the second person, it will be a simple, ‘You’.
When you planned to meet, you had no expectations of how he would look like. On top of that, you did not quite bother if he looked especially bad either, since it was just a dinner date. He had Whatsapp you that he was already there and you were running late, in fact, a good fifteen minutes late. It wouldn’t matter either, as you will be meeting him sooner or later.
You came up the escalator and scanned around the entrance of BHG, and there he was, in a pair of dark blue shorts, red t-shirt and slippers, truly slack enough even for a place like Bugis Junction. You were in a comparatively simple outfit as well, plain black spaghetti top, a pair of white shorts and slippers. The only difference was your red hair, which he wasn’t informed.
Without your heels, the two of you were of the same height and you walked in the direction of the row of restaurants behind the mall, across the busy road. From the corner of your eyes, you could see that he wanted to hold your waist as the roads cleared, but did not do it, since you dashed off first. That army brown sling bag he carried seemed heavy and light at once, as though he was that simple a guy.
You settled for a steamboat restaurant that you were familiar with, and went to the second floor as ushered. He was a little quieter than how he would be on Whatsapp, but conversations were still going on. The dinner went on smoothly, while you learnt a bit more about him. He was the person who had posted articles online, with his views of sex and love, that you had to agree to some of which were written well. He was someone who knew how to enjoy, giving much thoughts to whatever he did.
Somehow, he did not seemed more intelligent nor less, possibly hidden to make you feel comfortable with him. You had no idea what to make out of his words, suspecting that he might not mean what he said, but he had an open mind though, always ready to put himself into anybody’s shoe.
He walked in front of you to lead the way, and you followed him closely, thoughts of your own life still running through your mind, wondering if he had understood you beyond what you have shared with him. All these while, the conversations with him face-to-face and through Whatsapp, he had been respectful, but it could just be a front he put up to get girls.
You reached the National Library which was fairly empty then, with just an hour before closing. He clicked on the lift button and you stood beside him, prompting him with a question to ease your ponder. ‘Where are we going?’ You asked cooly. ‘Up’. That senseless reply. What more could you ask not to sound worried? You are a strong, confident girl capable to protect yourself no matter what was thrown at you.
The lift came and the two of you stepped into it, shooting for the heavens that provided a wonderful city view of the area around. After a minute, the pressure in your ears were relieved and the doors opened to a futuristic level of glass and concrete interior. Looking at the sign on the wall, it read ’18’. But you remembered seeing that floors up to 17 had a label with the floors’ classification of books or references, and 18 was the only unlabelled one.
‘How did we get up here?’, you had a little more worry by then, since it was clearly inaccessible to the public. ‘I am not as simple as you think, K.’ He gave that reply with a deeper tone that made you felt like you knew nothing about him. He held your wrist and led you to a black glossy wall, and scanned a card over a certain part on the wall. A small panel then slid open and it was a lounge with the most magnificent skyline beyond the windows.
You stepped into it before him and went to the windows, peering out like a little girl outside a toy store. Never before you felt so small, but powerful. He was certainly not as simple as you had imagined him to be. He removed his slippers on the detailed floral carpet and stood beside you, glancing in the same direction but with a sense of mystery.
‘Who are you?’, there was no way you were giving up on exposing his identity. ‘I am someone with power, but without control.’ Huh? Was that the easiest and deepest answer you ever heard? Or was it just a reply to get you off his shoulders? He left you and went to the corner, dragging two beanbags behind you and sat on one of them, slouching backwards in the most relaxing position. You removed your slippers and fell onto it, sinking your bum on the softest cushion you ever felt. Everything felt so refined and expensive, totally opposite to how he appeared to be.
One of his hand went to your icy cold knee and a question presented itself to you, ‘You like it here?’ You nodded, and eyes remained looking soulless outside. A part of your mind was already through the windows, picturing the life with all of these under your feet, and the other half of your mind, was on the warm palm on your knee.
‘I don’t own the land that you can see from here, unlike some.. quotes I heard before. I only know that I don’t have to do any of the things that the people you can see from here, to own more places like this.’
What was he trying to say? His power lies above us (the working class), but never relied on us to get to where he was today? His hand shifted above my knee and stopped where my shorts ended. From where we were seated, he reached for the bottle of wine near the lounge seats and brought two glasses along. The gush of fine wine was the loudest sounds in the room for a moment, and such silence had never been that beautiful to you.
Sipping from the glass, you prayed that he did not ask you anything about the wine, and to your relieve, he didn’t. His hand went back to your thigh and sank into your sensitive inner leg, where you know was the limit you will allow any guy to go. He stopped right there, as though he understood your fear. Although he had stopped advancing, you felt his nails of his fingers and they ran very slowly down the untanned areas, summoning a collection of energy and bringing them under your shorts where he had not touched.
What are you going to do? Push him away? Or just remain still? It would be too easy for him no matter which option. Hmm.. Why not give him a chance to determine if he deserved anymore of you? The answer that he gave to your next question, no matter what you asked, would either clear all your worries and doubts to see what kind of men he belonged to, or grant him the honour that no man was ever given.
‘What are you willing to give up to have me?’ It was the most regretfully simple, cheap in a sense, question that appeared in your mind, but it was too late to unasked. So, it was a wait of faith to see, how he reacted.
A ‘why’ was banging on your head so fiercely that you almost blurted out that lack of depth. But it was not a challenge of understand without explanation. You wanted to know why weren’t you worth all of him, or was he looking at that question differently?
With the two beanbags so close together, he brought his arm behind you and sat closer, almost possible to reach his hand around your waist, and reach into it. As you tried to make sense of his answer, his fingers sank a centimeter into the centre of your shorts, directly below your belly. It wasn’t the distance from him that you were concerned about, it was that one-word answer he gave that you wanted more explanation from.
‘But why nothing?’, you gave in and asked, expecting a simple breakdown which you knew could be as senseless to understand. He sighed, and said ‘Dear, it is not about giving up anything to be with someone, it is about what you will turn down, to give that person away. You get it?’
You took five seconds to process what he just said, and another five to understand what he meant. By then, you felt a release of the pressure on your tummy, filled with food from the steamboat earlier. Sure enough, that answer from him made sense, and you knew he would share what he had with someone he loved, and yet not wanting anything more if he was to be without that lucky girl.
Right then, his fingers touched your clit and you suddenly felt his wam chest on your shoulder back. You weren’t turned on at all being there with him, but there was no strong resistance to not being aroused there too. That non-intrusive rub slowly brought your mind away from him and mixed your vision into the flashy lights in the distance. He laid back with you and his fingertips were still working hard, bringing you to a midway trance of orgasm.
At his speed, he was clearly not going to get you climaxing, or was he waiting for you? Your hand on the side where his arm were around, reached for his smooth shorts and felt no erection. Since he was already in contact with your skin, you changed your hand’s position to his leg, pushing up his shorts and feeling that growing pipe in your finger.
As he hardened, he picked up his pace and circled around your clit quicker, pushing you to the brink of orgasm, and maintaining it. Damn, did he really wanted you to go all out before he would give it to you? You had his dick in your hand like holding onto a rod, tip pointing at your palm instead of the usual upward direction. You did not know how fast he wanted, so a slow jerk was all he got.
Smiling sweetly at you, he was not too concerned about how you handled him. You bet he was just teasing you to see how far you would go. A short burst of energy went through his arm and the sudden increase in speed made you shut your legs, climax building up like an atomic bomb, before your mind exploded into leaking an extra bit of fluid onto his fingers.
He gave you a break but kept his fingers there, while pushing your hand in his shorts out. Your strength recovered after some time and his arm around you pulled away, buttoning your shorts while resting.
A continuous buzz came from his phone and he stepped away to pick it, hearing only ‘Alright. Now? Sure.’ He came back to the seat and picked his glass up from the floor, gulping down whatever wine left. ‘I think the library is closing, we have to go’, he told you as he placed the used glasses on the same table he got them from.
‘I thought this belonged to you?’, you asked with remorse to the fun you allowed him to have with you, hoping that there were some other reasons he had to vacate the place. ‘Yes, it is mine. This whole floor is mine. But it is not a residence. I bought and let the committee use this place for important function with agreement that I can access and use here whenever I wanted. My priority is above anything on this level.’
Whew. So, he did really own this place. What more did he have that you did not know about? A lift was stationed outside as you left with him, and a uniformed staff stood in it.
‘Good evening Mr. R, are you satisfied with how we managed your place?’ There was a little fear in her as she swallowed a few times after asking. ‘Yes. I’m just here with my friend to enjoy the view. You know I don’t interfere with how you run the place.’ She exhaled a breath, showing you how forgiving he was, and you immediately felt a little better knowing he was compassionate to others.
‘See? That was what I meant when I said I have power but no control.’ You smiled as he said that contradicting phrase, knowing that he intentionally gave his control away so he had less to worry about. He walked you to the place where you two met, at the entrance of BHG where he waved you goodbye. Going down the automatic stairs, there was another side of life which you had yet to explore, where imagination and creativity can do so for you.
It wasn’t meeting him nor the ownership of such a posh place that left a deep memory on you, it was the glamorous view of the city that showed you what your thoughts couldn’t. Plus, that orgasm.. went perfectly well with the distraction of the lights beneath your feet on level 18. Were you lucky to know him? You looked downwards to hide the mental nod of your head. All along, you wanted to find your ideal man of your dream, but at the same time, your heart was wishing for the appearance of a man, who could recreated your ‘ideal dream’.
That being said, you were setting up a challenge, for someone to use unconventional methods, through unexpected acts, to touch your heart in an unbelievable manner. You wanted something you cannot predict, and show you life in a brand new light. Somewhat like R did for you. Sure enough, you understood that a normal relationship start from a friendship would not hurt, but if something that exciting and thrilling for a man you least imagined to be with, showed up and redefined ‘love’ for you, you will be more than happy to accept that challenge.