Ali(Sexpress) – Roundup #3

While the ladies have an expansive range of ‘tools’ they can use as a toy, men have far less options, minus the right (or left) hand whom we sometimes call ‘girlfriend’. DIY-toys are often too labour-intensive, in comparison to the ‘simple’, ‘single-motion’ task it would serve.

So, besides getting a H.E.P.S. blowjob assistant or struggle to spend upward of S$80-90 for a intricately-packaged, over-the-top-quality, branded airplane cup, what could I possibly recommend you?

1. Pokelove Sleeve Masturbator

Let’s start with a promotional image shall we?

Now, you must be thinking, ‘WTF?!’ And I would like you to keep thinking that way. What does its elasticity even say about its material and prowess? Well, let me explain, or clarify – from experience.

Of the Tenga(s) I have, airplane cups I neglected, replica-pussy that I have struggled to wash, this (refer to to above), has been my go-to, no-brainer solution whenever I needed to let one out.

As shown, it is that soft, and strong. Built to ‘accommodate’ rather than ‘stimulate’, I have full control over the two crucial factors for a good shot – namely ‘tightness’ and ‘speed’. This particular sleeve provides nothing more than a layer of cushioning for you to go as wild or as gentle as you prefer.

Imagine this, a little tug on the top for some suction, or a forceful downward jerk to let out some steam, either way, you will not be able to harm this object too much that it would tear.

More unhelpful imagery

If you do get to its product page, please (kind of) ignore its claim to ‘self-lubricate’, since we will be washing off any unknown/ unidentified coating on it before use.

Now then, go forth with pleasure.

2. USB Heating Rod

Now, what would one get a USB heating rod for? It’s not that cold here, nor is your heart that cold.

Ah hah! I think you understand its purpose now. What could be more comforting than to give your new stretchy, ‘indestructible’ partner some warmth? Especially when it will greatly benefit whoever visiting it soon.

Although this looks as simple as ‘plug-and-play’, I can assure you that you will find it challenging to get it deep without any lubrication. Hence, they included some waterproofing so you can add some lube to put the rod where it belonged.

Personally, I have not ordered from this particular store, but I had definitely bought something similar before. It does what it says, heating up your toy to a specific temperature before you stick your dong in. Of course, I have to mention, that you should be careful and check the inner-temperature before you go full length into it.

I have once or twice entered a hell hole and ruined the mood for a whole day.

As said, it is always wise to do a finger temperature check in case your heating rod malfunctions, and cooks more than just a measly masturbation sleeve (pssst.. your hot dog!).

Measurements as follows, and please do not attempt to stick this anywhere else.

That’s all folks! Stay safe and enjoy!

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