PS; This story is very dialogue heavy, and the use of English is intentionally ‘downgrade’ to reflect real thoughts and natural speech.
(Ann began) ‘Kor.. you remember what we did when we were younger?’
At last, I thought to myself, the past has finally caught up with me after so many years. I could not deny how often I have thought about that incident, only because of how ashamed and guilty I was, for allowing that to happen no matter how old we were there.
(I sighed) ‘Yes. I don’t think I can ever forget about that. a long pause Why did you bring that up suddenly?’
In my mind, I knew it wasn’t ‘sudden’. It was more of ‘overdue’. The both of us have gone so far ahead, and apart with our lives, dating our fair share of partners, going through heartbreaks and bliss in equal parts, etc. As much as I wished that she had forgotten about that ‘incident’, I knew that there was no way I would get away with it. It will come back sooner or later, as karma.
(Ann continued) ‘We never really had closure.. did we?’
‘Nope. We definitely did not. We did something stupid, and we both thought it was.. fun.. and tried to.. get each other to.. sigh.. a few times. And we stopped asking.’
(Ann continued) ‘We stopped talking too. We stopped being there for each other.’
‘Yes. And we both know why.’
(Ann asked) ‘Do you blame yourself?’
‘Of course! Although we didn’t know what the fuck we were doing, I have watched some.. porn.. by that time to know better. I just wasn’t thinking.’
(Ann asked) ‘Do you blame me?’
‘Never! It was never your fault. You just did what I asked most of the time.’
(Ann rebutted) ‘No? I was the one who told you what to do and you did it.’
(Ann continued) ‘You said you remember what we did that time. What do you think about most?’
‘The shame.. the guilt.. almost every time when I get intimate with someone.. ‘
(Ann asked) ‘Did it affect your sex life?’
‘Not really.. but.. I’ve wronged you.. ‘
(Ann continued) ‘I couldn’t forget either. But I remembered it differently from you.’
‘How so?’
(Ann blushed) ‘I’d get wetter.. ‘
I whispered a ‘fuck’ and looked intently at her, heart slowly wincing as I realised how I might have messed her up, in a grave, grave way. The guys she met after me, the desires she had after me, her whole history after me.. was built on that foolish mistake.
Now, for some context. Our dad was a chain-smoker, so you can imagine how our house smelled on a normal day. On top of that, he has some paranoia about keeping our house very safe. So apart from the 3 locks on our gate, the windows in the house were mostly shut. You know, ‘in case of rain and no one hears it’. And! Our mom was a hoarder, so you can imagine how much free space we had. Our ‘introverted’ character were partly shaped by the character of our hot-tempered dad.
In short, he has to have the final say, and everything he says is right.
So we learned to keep our mouths shut most of the time we were home. Being a growing ‘boy (14yo)’ and ‘girl (13yo)’, we gradually had less (topics, thoughts) to share with each other. But we had one common habit, which I would say kind of kept us together.
Because of the cigarette smoke and occasional quarrels, we would often hang out outside the house. We started ‘waiting’ at the void deck, then we realised we couldn’t tell if the chaos was over, so we moved to the stairs. Then we bumped into our outgoing dad and got questioned about why we were not in the house he worked so hard to pay for. So again, we moved, up a few floors, still at the stairs.
Now, the interesting part. While all of us took ‘Math & Science’ in primary school, and have an idea of the male/ female anatomy, the act of ‘sex’ weren’t covered. In secondary school, we were the first generation of students to receive ‘sex education’. So while some of us ‘knew all about it’, all of us took it as a joke. ‘Who doesn’t know what is sex?’, we assumed. And might I remind you, we were still about 5 years away of the launch of the first Google phone (I remembered because that was my first smart phone – G1).
I couldn’t remember the exact phrase my sister asked, but she was wondering if my school had started sex education as well. She was at that age to get her first mensuration, and that was how we went deep into the topic. Days past on that fateful flight of stairs, and before we knew it, we were at that moment to show each other our parts.
‘Just see see’ right? Until Ann had to ask me how would it enter a woman’s vagina if it was that small. She actually held my (unerected) dick in her fingers and flipped it up and down to ‘see’. And I.. being a ‘growing boy’ – reacted accordingly. It grew, and she kept holding it to watch. That awkward moment didn’t last long, but she later admitted to me that she too, had a secret of her own – about how good she would feel when she rubbed a certain part on her vagina.
As embarrassed and shy as I was, I didn’t need to make any requests. A few days later, she was seated up a few steps behind me and her school skirt was apart. She pointed a spot to me, and I, in my unthinking mode, touched, and rubbed it like she had described. As you could have imagined, our default dwelling was no longer home, but at the stair where we would just please each other as fair siblings.
Juice-soaked fingers, cum-stained hands, we were in our own world for a long time. No amount of sex education could tell us that brothers and sisters weren’t allowed to do that for each other. It didn’t fit the criteria of ‘abuse’, and we weren’t strangers to each other. Plus, we have already started kissing a.k.a. making out with each other by then.
If the stairs was the ‘waiting area’ for us to head back home, then the nearby community centre was where we officially ‘hung out’. Before your mind starts wandering, we would only go to that community centre when our friends were around. For basketball, for doing homework, for wasting time, and never just the both of us.
We were about a year into that ‘relationship’ when we decided to explore that community centre – at 11pm. To skip the boring parts, I knew when the gates were closed because I had played basketball (with friends) until they had to lock up. So when Ann and I visited, we were literally trying our luck, for that one side door that was unlocked.
Once in, I could only say that all hell broke loose. Assisted by dim lighting from the street lamps coming in through the windows, we had truly let ourselves go as we hugged, kissed, touched, groped everywhere. She sat on a chair, and I was on my knees the next second, licking and sucking her pussy like a hungry tiger. Once she came once, we instinctively swapped places, and she went at it like a hungry baby, sucking and moaning while rubbing herself.
It was then we ‘discovered’ the 69 position, when we wanted to be in the same moment at the same time. It was just all glory when I came so hard into her mouth the same time she flooded my mouth with juices. When that was over, she turned around to keep making out with me, as her hand kept jerking me off.
‘Do you want to try it?’
Those six words.. I think I nodded when she suddenly stood over my waist, one hand holding up her skirt and the other going around my dick when she stooped herself into range. To date, I could vividly remember how ‘scorched’ the first inch of my dick was when it entered her. Both her hands suddenly fell onto my chest and I grabbed her waist hard. I wasn’t sure what we said to each other then, but I was slowly lowering her onto my dick.
I remembered how tightly we hugged each other (while penetrated), and it lasted a long time. The next thing I knew, we were moving our hips against each other as her groans turned to moans. Soon, she was on the floor while I assumed missionary, pumping my dick deep into her. Her legs were locked around me, just as our eyes did. We kissed gently, and hugged with me on top of her, until I came.
Until I came, into my sister.
While I froze inside her, her pussy started squeezing around me, growing in tightness until she threw her head back. I just stayed inside of her until she regained her composure, for a tears to roll down her temples.
‘Was it painful?’
‘No. It was beautiful.’
Those were the last words we spoke that night. We got dressed, went home, and never met at the stairs or community centre again. Our words were reduced to daily concern, though our eyes were hoping for more.
(Ann continued) ‘You never got hard thinking about me?’
‘A few times.’
(Ann asked) ‘When?’
‘When I get intimate with someone, and thought of you, and got angry with myself.’
Without saying a word more, Ann walked in front of me and hugged me, as tight as the last hug I had received from her. She just held me there until her hands came over my cheeks, tilting my watering eyes upwards to her.
Then.. a kiss – which I reciprocated. We touched, we groped, we felt. She still had that underweight physique I had established my past relationships on, and I was as chunky as the men she had posted on her IG with. Now with doors we could lock, there was no need to keep any clothes on. With experiences we had gained, we no longer had to take turns. With modern contraceptives, no more barriers could stand between us.