Ali(Sex)press – Roundup #2

Let’s skip the boring introduction and get started with my second roundup, of sex-related products found on AliExpress that I have bought, received, and tested on myself (or with her). One habit I found helpful to make thorough comparisons (on the site) is to scroll all the way down, to the lower-end of the product page you are eyeing, and take a look through the ‘More to Love’ section. There, you may find other stores peddling the same, or similar products that you were about to buy.

Disclaimer: As mentioned before, I am neither sponsored nor benefitting from my ‘reviews’ of any items listed in this post. I cannot take responsibility for any failure on their deliverance, though I have high regards for the well-intended nature of the employees running the stores. Like always, read their reviews (if any), be prudent and stay imaginative as your purchase can take weeks to arrive.

1. Plain, Simple (small!) Dildo

A cute, little weiner

Now, of all the sizes of dildos available, why would I suggest one that is 11cm-ish, and grossly insufficient to satisfy her deepest cravings? Well, in my defence, I am not, very much bigger than that (~11cm), and it is to my benefit, that my partner is pleasured by something that wouldn’t undermine my.. physical limitations.

I don’t think it sucks.

If you (a guy), are up for an all-out war, akin to revenge, or dominance, or even punishment, I wouldn’t stop you from wearing your cherished one out that way. At the end, it’s the men whom have to bear with any temporary deformation that may take a long time to recover from.

As for the girls, I believe that ‘dildos’ are designed as a make-shift replacement, not that your best friend can’t be a rubber dong, but if you are using one in place of your man’s, a short(er) stick will then leave you with more to want the next time you see him.

What colour fancies you?

In any case! I strongly advocate a smaller-than-needed dildo if your objective is to deepen lust, stir desire, and then be completely-satiated by the ‘real thing’.

2. Anal (smlj?) Douche

Remember to wash your bum bum nice nice.

For those who don’t know, and don’t believe in rectal wellness, this probably wouldn’t appeal to you, much less its unverified benefits that I am not qualified to debunk. Weird enama wash aside, I tend to find ‘giving your butt-hole a rinse’ quite an enlightening experience, not that I do it to derive any pleasure from that exit.

While I cannot ascertain if there are any good to douche-your-an, I’d like to think that it flushes something out(?). I don’t know how else to put this but, when you ‘pump’ a sizable amount of warm water into your rectum, you will find a certain challenge – meaningful, to hold it in before you ‘let it all out’.

Mine is 310ml in blue.

Fun as it may sound, fun is also why I do it more than once every (rare) time I douche. Well, as for its validity, I will leave it up to you guys to fact-check and research on its purported function, minus those ‘holistic’ recommendations to put other type of liquids up your bum bum.

3. Fengxin + SAROOSY + Shenzhen Yitong

Here is something for the imaginative boys, or the self-dependent ladies, to procure some clothes that are mainly designed to be donned in the bedroom, though I’m sure some of their listings could be layered for ‘outdoor-wear’.

I, for one, have always been hesitant about buying clothes online, simply because I cannot see its true size, and feel its over-hyped material. Sure, they provide numerical measurements for reference, but in my opinion, it will always be an estimate, which doesn’t quite work if you know that their advertised material are actually stretchable, or how it ‘should not be’.

However, when I made my first purchase(s) on these particular stores (as shown below), I was pleasantly surprised to know that;

  1. Their numerical measurements are accurate
  2. They understated the elasticity so it wouldn’t disappoint bigger-sized buyers (we want ‘stretch-able’, not ‘loose-fitting’).
  3. The materials they used are sturdier than shown in their photos.

In light of the above criterias, they remain one of my go-to stores if I need any kinky outfits for special occasions.

Long ‘thumbnails’ ahead!

Download the thumbnails to your phone/ computer for a clearer view, or simply click on their respective links to visit!

Stay horny y’all!

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