Interviewer: ‘Can you describe for me how, would you break someone down?’

That question, could not be any more fearsome as I recalled the voice, who asked for my views, on a hypothetical question, that he claimed, ‘many others have answered’. After that ‘interview’, we sort of ‘lost contact’, though we never had too much information on each other to begin with. It began as an email questionaire, before it turned into a voice transmission to add a little dazzle to the ‘mystery’ of such taboo topics.

Me: ‘I would first.. make her, can I use ‘her’? (speaking to self) I’ll just use her.. I would make her exercise first.’

It started out as a harmless, and even common, request to have a story written, about her, and in this particular situation, about her, and a dominatrix – in a BDSM kind of scenario? I was first of all, completely clueless about that ‘other’ side, and secondly, not too keen on the demeaning, degrading kind of foreplay, pardoning my lack of knowledge on such a subject. To me, sex, should be consensual, fun, and perhaps challenging, on the experimental level.

Interviewer: ‘Can you elaborate?’

‘BDSM’ is a huge topic, and it’s not exactly one that I would fumble my way through and offend enthusiasts unknowingly. It is such an expansive topic that I wouldn’t know where to start, much less feel its ‘prowess’ and ‘liberation’ from pushing one’s mental, emotional, physical limits to attain the subspace realm.

Me: ‘I would put her through the standard, usual kind of exercises, preferably with gym equipments since they can really push one to the limit without that person knowing that he or she has reached that limit. For example, the assisted pull-up machine, I would make her do the most reps with the minimal weights. And keep letting her rest-recover-workout over and over again until her arms are wobbling.’

Sex, for the longest time, has been a ‘team effort’, at least in my books. I would like to receive and give, or occasionally just receive or give, depending on my partner’s mood that day. We would take turns to do the work, and have never finished feeling ‘incomplete’ or ‘unsatisfied’. If there was something she felt like doing more, I would let her, or if there was something I didn’t feel like doing, she would give me a break. While I believe that communication is present during any BDSM sesh, it would be difficult to decipher its true meaning amongst the emotions the words are carried on.

Me: ‘When her arms and legs, and neck and back are too weak to even carry her own weight, I will then adjust her clothes to expose some skin on her before strapping more weights across her entire body; to scramble from the wax I’d drip onto her back, or writhe to the few volts I’d send across her belly, or simply squirm helplessly as I tickle her beyond insanity. With those heavy, immovable limbs, she would be mentally drained in no time.’

To me, ‘torture’, or basically inflicting any kind of discomfort, shouldn’t be just a one-sided event. if you As I have been taught, at a young age, to ‘never inflict upon others what you don’t want others to do unto you’, and thus, the concept of the ‘dom’, and ‘sub’ roles, simply made no sense. How could someone just pick the most beneficial, or advantageous side and happily indulge in their high kingdom? Is there no compromise, or grace, or empathy for what you will be making the other party feel? Do you ‘decide to be a sub’ or do you ‘decide to not be a sub’? How does it work?

Me: ‘At that point in time, she should be naked, or somewhere close to that. Once she has no strength left to even struggle, that is when I will stimulate her sexually, say with a vibrator or a dildo, to thoroughly empty her of any energy reserves. After a few orgasms, she should be as good as dead, though still far from making her wish that she was dead.’

Under normal circumstances, I already find it hard to get angry, let alone hit, any women in my life. Sure, I do ‘spank’, but as I was unofficially ‘taught’, there is a certain way to cup your palm so the smack actually sounded louder than it felt. For me, it was all show, and never real, flesh-deep pain. That said, the pain that I request my partner to inflict are done under a timely, controlled manner which I have absolute control over, though I receive ‘surprises’ at times.

Me: ‘My next trick would be to erect some kind of non-gory, Jigsaw contraption, that basically pit her own strength and willpower, against a dildo-vibrator and gravity acting on her own weight. I would design it in such a way that if she slacked or lost focus, the dildo would then penetrate her with the force of her own weight, and proceed to vibrate or thrust continuously until she was out, or regained enough strength to ‘pull herself away’.

The furthest I had ‘gone’ was that one time I tied my ex up, limbs restrained at the four corners of the bed, and just pleasured her until she begged for me to free her. I did have (consensual) penetrative sex with her while she was under restraints, but that wasn’t as thrilling or arousing as allowing her to caress and bite or lick or kiss me in expression of her lust. It was truly something to watch your partner succumb to your skills and knowledge of their minds/ bodies.

Me: ‘Eventually, I will have to come up with something more lasting and impressionable, like using an E.M. Chastity Belt (which is really a modified, electric-dog collar engineered into a chastity belt with some kind of plug/ dildo) to maintain full control of her body with pain, or some sort of auto-mental-phyiscal-association between ‘distance’, and the electrical shock she would receive through her nether region. At the end of the conditioning process, she should be functional (within a certain radius) around you, and mildly-aroused when right next to you.’

So, while I might have attempted some form of BDSM, I am not someone who would be able to freely impose on anyone, much less a female at my beck and call. Towards someone like that, I couldn’t be more grateful, and most definitely cherish them like delicate babies. How could I hurt ever hurt her?

Interviewer: ‘That’s pretty detailed. Will you open your door and see if there is someone there?’

I don’t think that I have come across anyone that vulnerable/ submissive before, though I have always asked nicely for the things I want? So I wouldn’t be able to tell if they did (things) as a favour, or an act of kindness, or like you say out of servitude. Most of my partners are considered independent, so I assume that they have a certain mindset. Personally, I haven’t got to ask many of them if they were ‘subs’ or ‘doms’.

Me: ‘Let me.. wait.. (distant chattering) Erina? Erin? Hi hi. Nice to meet you. No wha.. wait wait wait.. I cannot.. (back to mic) Sir? This Erin just handed me a bracelet and kinda seduced me into accepting it? Did you plan this? I cannot just have her enter my life like this. Hey? You there?’

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