Typical SG50 Post

A SG50 Special by The Singaporean ero-writer, his mother’s son.

Well, as you can see in the ‘Category’ this post belongs to, it’s a rant, but one closer to heart. With all those ‘what it means to be a Singaporean’ and ‘what I like being a Singaporean’, how could I miss this chance to write a proper blog post right? Bear with the slightly heavier Singlish tone k?

Since I started out blogging, discovering erotic blogs really showed me the other side of Singapore. The more oppressed we are, the darker we get. The darker we get, the more we vent, at times on other people, or into the public. Words, no matter said or typed, shaped this country till this day. Serious! The lawsuits that protects the powerful people, the penal codes that creates freedom within the seemingly-free land. Every word we say can and will be used against us.

Sure, this place is expensive for even its own citizens, but aren’t we alive (but confirm under-happy)? I have a little corner I can write, I have a space online I can vent, I have jobs to choose from the Classifieds. I think I am luckier than most people.

What it means to be a Singaporean though, has a slightly different meaning to me. As the ‘J’ to provide you with awesome stories, I AM glad that we are conservative when it comes to sex. Else you think we have such mundane but interesting plots to read? Sure, sex is quite westernised when it comes to toys and positions. But where we live, really puts the challenge back into everyday-sex and increasing bedroom intensity (more than just fun). It’s not enough to just get money-fucked huh?

Most of the laws related to sex is a blanket rule. Can’t have sex means no penetration of any parts (luckily that law don’t exist). If you don’t understand, they will define ‘sex’, ‘penetration’ and ‘parts’ for you. Definition is the true murderer.

Of all the countries, I think ‘words’ weigh the most here. You don’t think ‘erotic literature’ is really harmless ah, the government actually pays attention to the detrimental mental effects it has. ‘Corruption of minds’, ‘misleading information’, ‘unrealistic depiction’, are all relevant terms IF any writer is brought before the court. Everyone knows that 18+ warning is useless.

But one common thing applicable to everywhere in the world, is the thrill of bending the rules. I know it is dangerous to be so well-known in the erotic-sphere, heck, it is even dangerous to write that many stories under one name. ‘Sick’, I am before the eyes of Lady Justice. However, if they do bring light to such a small medium of human expression, I’ll make sure this side of Singapore shines (in the world!).

Am I drifting too far from why I love Singapore? Happy 50th Birthday SG! Though I am only here for 3/4 of the time, I am glad to be here. People say it’s not possible to find a job they love and live happily on it, I beg to differ. I even have two jobs I love! One, to write for these bunch of awesome, smart, witty, but horny people, and second, to make coffee for basically every lactose-tolerant beings (no soy please).

Both take turns to stress me though, so I use the other for relief. I enjoy waking up in a hurry to beat the morning crowd, having roti prata and cheap coffee on my non-working days, saying ‘the usual’ to the mee pok stall during guilt-filled lunch breaks (cause everyone is chionging in my absence), eating dim sum and refreshing $3 ‘yu sheng (raw fish)’ on my late working days and finally for my journey home, trying to nap in the noisy buses filled with foreign chattering.

There is NO other place in the world to feel like a foreigner right at home! Well, to be fair, my ancestors did went through that stereotype once. Never a better time to be alive to see how Singapore will turn out in the future.

Unlimited broadband, sometimes cranky 100% transport-connected infrastructure, everyone’s funeral/ wedding community, luxurious amenities not designed for Singaporean (pocket), anti-locals casinos on local land, conscription-style army no one can (easily) siam, laws that say we can’t do anything but eat-shit-work-sleep-die, MRTs that makes me an unwilling molester, no SGreans talk about sex except facing therapists, lift-on-every-floor, getting sued for making girls who wear little feel uncomfy with a longer stare, summer all year round, wailing cats that sounds like a dying babies, cats that don’t catch mice, cats that makes your day, cats that asked to be pet THEN bite you, cats that makes you wonder if they have any ambitions.

Perhaps! When we put all the bad together, something good can happen, something safer for the people who cannot control themselves at times and go awry. While we are quick to suan (critise), we actually appreciate what have been done for us. If not we won’t be here, right? Say RIGHT!

That makes this special year that marks the 50th year of independence from everyone, giving us the title of ‘No man’s land (no one owes Singapore a living, so don’t expect her to owe you anything)’, ‘No man is an island (many men is?)’ and probably ‘Shutter Island (everyone here is siao, so no one feels left out)’.

If you’re not crazy yet, you are still struggling with life. Once you embrace the craziness, welcome to Singapore! That’s your real mark of citizenship. Ok lah. Enough of nonsense. I’m just sad I never actually went to NDP before, and I thought they say every SGrean will get a fun pack? Why only one per household? I really like the baby biscuit (makes me want to grow up and have teeth to eat).

Happy long weekends and send your love via comments (OMG IT RHYMES)!

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