3 Reasons why Men Can’t find Flings (Plot Twist!)

Most guys dream of having a wife they can love, a fling they can find their sexual relieve in, plus maybe a soulmate they can talk to about the other two women. What a perfect life right? And the only thing we need to do is to keep the three women apart. Right. Just keep fantasising.

From life experience and repetitive writing from a women’s point of view, it is actually the women who are making themselves scarce in the ‘casual sex’ realm. While we always blame it on men that took advantage of them by being sticky, dependent, using them as cum dump, there are actually other reasons why women can’t take the ‘leap’.

3. Psychological fears

This point is a dead giveaway if any females had any male friends. Among their group of male friends, minorities helped built the fears in them. Some see her as a potential sex partner, some just want to show off by being with her, some wants to marry her (before she knows them well), some wants her exclusivity being friends.

Then there are about two who are there at her saddest, weakest, worst times, and there are about one who is there to listen to her ranting. So that’s about it. It’s not ‘which guy you are’ that puts you in a good or bad light. Don’t worry about that. It’s in fact the other 98% that makes you one of them.

For that one friend, you are her soul mate. But to other female friends whom doesn’t know you well, you belong to the 98% trying to get in her pants. Logically, a human can become friends with another by being friendly and shit. Now, everyone is ‘friendly and shit’. You have to prove ‘more than friendly and shit’ to her to even be just friends.

When two girls know you, what are the chances you are in the 98%? The more girls know you, the narrower the ‘white space’ will be. Looking back at how I put it, it would mean that while I want to be A’s friend, I want to fuck B. Great job there Jhae. So much for trying to make men feel better.

2. Stigma/ Judgement/ Critisim

‘Are you sure you are a female?’, ‘You just want an ONS or be flings?’, ‘You just want sex and nothing else?’. Those questions are common when a girl asks for sex. Five out of ten will question her gender, nine out of ten will question her true agenda, and ten out of ten will question her health status.

While you may find yourself in all three categories (can we really blame ourselves?), one out of twenty will politely turn her ‘down’. And the one who turned her down won’t get any. So, what. the. fuck. does. she. want?!

Well, she has already thought about those long before you asked. After so much thinking, she decided she wants a one-off casual sex to see how things go, and everyone except you (but she never knew your existence) starts to doubt her openness. Heck, I bet even if the sex is bad, but you are awesome as a bedroom partner, she would meet you just to spend time!

To be suspected as a male, psychotic nymphomanic, scheming bitch, how could she still be in the mood? How can she decide to be ONS or long term fling when she haven’t even met you? So, while you are the zero out of ten person to touch her heart, she is probably worn out/ irritated/ discouraged by the rest to do anything – besides turning you down.

1. To do or not to do.

How often do you feel tempted to give another guy a handjob to get an equally skilled handjob done on you? I hope your answer is never. But to be truthful, I HAVE had that thought before.

It’s innate in us to seek comfort in another being, be it physically or emotionally, there is someone out there who can make up for my inadequacy. Sex, for one, is an aspect where it feels better to have someone do it to you. And that comes after you have built the chemistry, common understanding, bond, relationship, whatever. Even if you are just flings, the only connection being your genitals, ‘friendship’ is the category you tick against when anyone asks you about you two.

Before we open ourselves up to others, we doubt. Man, we even doubt our ability to open up to others. But let’s focus on the more important discussion here. Disappointment.

(For the ladies, and men to read) You first find someone at the friendship level, to understand their intention of being friends. Then, you spend time with him to see if there is anything he is hiding from you. Hopefully he will accidentally reveal it or truthfully admit it. Then, walking side by side under the bridge, the first kiss happens.

Friends, then sex. The connection is obvious. A fling! I’m sure you both have found the time to discuss after the first intimate act (not necessarily sex). But how do you (girls) find the right one without worrying? Are there any chances he wants you to be his girlfriend? Or does he simply want to add you to the ‘collection of girls he fucked’? Or is he fucking other girls outside (STD risk)?

The man she find must pass her psychological, emotional and spiritual tests. And even if he passed, the possibilities of what ‘future’ holds would frighten her a bit too. While men can simply cap-on-and-fuck, women are more than aware that you are reaching into more than their pussies.

That guy better don’t fuck it up by asking me to be his wife. When all I need is a dick to thrust (or trust?). Just don’t make me do the get-to-know-you-and-your-fetishes part all over again.

That selection process takes a lot of energy, and the best outcome would be for a man to pump all that energy back in vigorous movements. Let’s face it, there is no winner when she fails to find her fling.

So, stop fucking it up. The ladies have enough emotional baggage to carry. And please don’t be the one and following asshole;

The sticky shit that hits the fan and doesn’t let go.

Remember this, a guy has to search and find and seek and plan to get a fling. A lady just need to poke at the first male friend in her contact list, and type ‘can you be discreet if I had sex with you?’ to get sex. Sure, she can scroll down real fast and hit any random names (male). And still get her relief.

To get doubts cleared out with him or her, there are other questions you can ask to get the same answer. Be it health, intentions, duration of fling, there IS no harm to be polite and find out if your objectives meet. After all, first impressions do count, and they might go further than the shameful few seconds you lasted inside her.

While it is not easy to find a fling, it is definitely way easier to enforce why women shouldn’t trust men. So, does Jhae have a fling? *wink wink*

3 Volumes Singaporeans have Sex in

In Singapore, there seems to be only three volumes that we have sex in (don’t tell me you were expecting something related to politics), at about five commonly known residential/ recreational places, in about four situations. It’s not because couples in our country are more shy or less vocal, but it is closely related to style of our residential estates. Having HDB flats IS the only way we can accommodate so many people in our small area, redefining what ‘neighbours’ meant the moment we were born. Long gone are the days where people come over to borrow salt and what not, but long-term neighbours do still share food during festivals or celebrations.

I’ve received bak gwa, baby shower sets (consisting of red hard boiled eggs and cakes), and the more immeasurable gifts of greetings and concern. How can I complain with the free financial advice (from my immediate neighbour) and nosey interviews (from my distant neighbours) about the new girl I brought home?

The door-to-door Yakult seller, garang guni man, ice cream motorcycles, they all represent my childhood! At the end of the day, it’s the funeral processions that remind me to treasure my life, until I have to ‘update’ my granny about the passing of yet another resident in our estate.

For now, I just need to endure the eerie wails of cats under my block.

3. Loud

If you own a landed property (not the type that shares half your building with another household) in our tiny land, I consider you to be one of the wealthier people here. A bungalow or semi-D gives you fair a bit distance before you see the pissed off faces of your neighbours caused by the barking of your crazy dog that has short term memory, or the face of the sexy female you always see changing clothes at the window.

Not only you are able to walk around naked in your house, no one is ‘too’ disturbed by the appearance of lingerie-clad ladies or the tight underwear you trimmed your lawn in. After all, everyone understands the calibre of people in such big houses. Extraordinary wealth, quirky habits, unusual needs for privacy, consensus hatred for high rise, are some reasons people choose to live in castles. Even if they heard you (a guy) making feminine moans, they are totally judgement free. (Unlike next door neighbours that gives you a smirky look if you’re a guy.)

You are free to moan as loud as you want, at any part of your house. Even the most posh hotel might not be able to provide that kind of freedom. I bet there are even some windows with no residents opposite where you can paste your boobs on or jerk your hips at.

A well-earned luxury indeed.

2. Medium

In a condo, HDB or hotel rooms (with only you and your partner), someone is likely to be on the other side of your bedroom wall. While they (the walls) are built thick, hard objects knocking against it will imminently make soft tapping noises at the other side. Still, voices don’t travel easily through them and you are still free to bang as hard as you want, trying to make your partner surrender with sharp screams and deep groans.

Take note of where your headboard is lying against, and the sides of your bed where you thought was an inch away from the wall. While we are most concerned with waking our neighbours up with physical disturbance, we need to pay attention to the rest of the room too.

Surprisingly, AIR is a fantastic medium to transport sound. Upstairs, downstairs, your ‘music’ can be heard from your windows. For some reason, hotel doors are the thinnest, as if they are used to broadcast the results of their comfortable beds.

Despite the safety of the thick walls and sturdy beds, there is also the psychological fears that you are too loud, no matter if anyone lives around you. Acting shy to retain your impression of him/ her, plays a tiny part when you couldn’t hear how good you are from their mouths. The expressions on one’s face is the best way to tell if everyone is enjoying it.

So, a little softer then?

1. Soft (or silent)

This particular volume can affect even the ‘private property owners’, by simply including someone else in their own home. It would most likely to be family members, or a room you rented out for extra cash. Also, doing it in public places, enclosed or not, will silence your passionate sex into a mime performance.

I understand that, at different times during a love-making session, our volume fluctuates. Some moan louder when they are eaten out, and some scream for help with just light touching. In discreet public places, it is mandatory to whisper. Very very few of us realised that whispering in otherwise quiet places actually makes your presence more obvious. Well, it could be better not knowing you have been discovered than panicking when exposed.

We have developed special skills from the inconvenience of having ears everywhere, from parents in living rooms, to the open air corners of HDBs. Women have learnt to breath loudly instead of letting it go, and men invented a new touch-and-go-and-repeat kind of thrusts. Experience the lightest taps (of his hips) on your ass that resonates loudly in your pussy, still able to go deep without any *piak* sounds.

Blowjobs now have gagging noises that are more sexy that slurping wet ones, reconstructing the air-tight style men preferred. Our teeth get their maintenance by biting on soft surfaces like pillows, or our own forearms. What a great time to be alive.

Now, for the one special location that we can be as loud as we want, in the expense of comfort (and less cash than buying a landed).

0. The full range of volume

The Car. Car sex is considered to be spontaneous no matter if you have planned for it to happen. Apart from cars being damn expensive in Singapore, convenience is the number one reason to own one, especially with our reliably packed public transport. Just remember to feed and clean it occasionally (or frequently?).

We are free to park the four wheeled wife anywhere we felt safe, and even install films/ screens that improves wildness. Air-conditioning cuts down noise, and the huge rubber tires cushions even the most violent thrusts.

The radio is there to help with the awkwardness and fear of being heard, letting one express vocally without restraints. No matter when, as long as in the right spot, you can fuck in the day as crazily as night. You can even participate in ‘mass outdoor romps’ with couples in other ‘newspaper-covered’ cars.

There is only two skills needed here (besides earning enough to buy/ maintain a car). It’s the ability to freeze, and recover in times of discovery. With the number of ‘hotspot’ for car sex dropping, our ninja skills become more important to survive and pro-create. I’m not sure about the health aspect of frequent car sex with the engine running though.

Carpool with a twist.. anyone?

3 (more) Things Men should know about Women

While men and women are from two different planets, the only common factor is the molecular structure of our physical bodies. Given that most of us are not in the human research sector, our knowledge about the opposite sex comes mostly from social interaction – and porn.

Speaking from a guy’s point of view, the complexity of women are beyond the many types of ’emotions’ as we can name. Anger, sadness, bliss, happiness, euphoria, are all processed differently. To most men, the common misunderstanding seem to be ‘if you can understand a woman, you can get her to do anything’. That is only true if you can fulfil the first part of the sentence.

Picture a Rubik’s cube that has pretty LED lights. Then imagine the LEDs coming to life and changes to 27 different colours. Yupp. You’ll say the words, ‘fuck it’ pretty soon.

3. Women (almost) doesn’t need sex.

Men needs it more. Before you start showing me the ‘Hot girls nearby’ banners, let me explain myself. During our grandparents’ time, knowledge about sex pretty much comes from exploration. Newspaper were only read by those who went to school (most women back then don’t), radio, television were luxuries, and internet didn’t exist. While the men worked 8 to 5, the women did chores for equally as long. Once the husbands reached home, and had dinner, the only physical activities anyone would willingly do is procreating.

Fast forwarding to our generation, money IS survivability. Besides three meals a day, we want three houses per country, and three cars per family. Men held their usual working hours, and chores are completed faster with machines. Homecooked meals become an occasional treat, and there are uncompleted tasks more important than sex.

While men view sex as a relief, women have their own worries to handle. For a quick perk-me-up, the ladies can get themselves off anytime of the day without feeling tired. But for us guys? Nah. I need to wake up early tomorrow.

The more desperate men become, the less effort they put into bonding and socialising. Are we just looking for a soft, warm, fleshy hole to dump our worries into? How can we expect women to do you that favour when you don’t even pay attention to their needs?

The point is, worry less about getting into the pants of the girl and put more thought into getting the girl. Most women need assurance, that amidst the strong front they put up for work, there is someone out there who pays more attention to their feminine. Their desire to be wanted is as strong as men, but for a much practical use. That is to be there at their weakest, and embrace them at their strongest.

The world is harsh to everyone no matter our gender, and as men, we can afford to give the ladies a bit more hope, by being less egoistic and more feminine (you read that right).

2. Sex goes beyond mere pleasure.

When intense emotions are called upon during the bodily connection, a penis reaches far deeper than the vagina its in. Intentions, ideas, beliefs, perception of her (or that particular partner), appears crystal clear.

C’mon, you are inside her, with pheromones and other chemicals bridging you two as one. Don’t think that your tiny dick is her main concern. Simple pleasure stimulate tons of emotions that gives her a personal rating on the ‘value of life’.

Casual sex can remind her of why she should stop doing it, and passionate love making can assure her of why she is with you. Besides feeling good (which is addictive), darker emotions mix into the mood the ladies are already in. To make her feel secure, you must find the perfect rhythm. To make her feel like a cum dump, just keep moving till you cum. We, as men, always think of orgasms as a mark of our masculinity. But can’t the ladies get orgasms on their own? It would probably be more intense and quick than our feeble attempts.

To let one person into their bodies, trust has to be there, and chemistry has to be excellent. On a personal note, I think that women whom have many dicks inside them, they are the more sensual ones, trying to find the perfect one through intimate connections that most guys just take advantage of. As for the strong headed ones withholding sex until they are certain, they are just the result of the black sheep among the white.

Sadly, the amount of black sheep outdone the white.

1. Sex is a reward, not indulgence.

We all know how great sex feels, to a point we get addicted to fantasising just to achieve the measly few seconds of orgasms (for men). While we turn the act of sex into an indulgence, women are starting to accept the idea of pleasure as a reward.

Be it for love, or a good workout after a long day, it’s a reward nonetheless. ‘Fruit of our labour’, meant that we outdone ourselves and should make a baby to signify a successful bond. Indulgence in sex results in single parent families, or even orphaned kids. You will just be destroying your own mind if you constantly thank condoms for their existence.

To some of us (guys), we have figured out the idea of ‘reward’ long before the others. We stopped indulging in pointless masturbation that wastes our Yang qi, and embrace the fact that we need communication to get a girl.

Those pretty boys who are still trying to get laid for a brief moment of relief, the ladies are much more aware of your intentions than you think. As the awareness of the consequences of ONS snowballs, the availability of women with loose principles dwindles. It’s time to stop taking advantage, and be their advantage to have you guide them in life.

If you are looking for sex just to release your load, then you might well be jerking yourself off. In a way, you will NOT be affecting the chances of you getting a partner for life (by not ruining the already-poor impressions women have of men).

There was a time when women are spoilt for choices with the availability of hardworking men whose purpose is to save money for their undetermined future. And now, women find it easier to identify the men who are NOT husband quality. Seriously, if you are not husband quality, what are you?

Don’t the ladies yearn for a dick they can call theirs, to be fucked by it anytime they want without any unwanted consequences? Or do you (guys) really want to be the ‘popular’ rifle for ACS – used by many, wanted by none. Just recall how ‘dirty’ it was when you cleaned such accurate and powerful gun(s).

0. Ask and you will not receive, but seek and you shall find.

Unlike your pocket money during your primary school days, no one is going to have sex simply cause you asked. A human mind takes time to understand another, and it is always the intention that bring doubts into the picture. Most sexual goals are temporary, usually one night long. As cute as you may look, it’s a totally different story if the ladies want you as their lifelong partner, or a warm, moving dildo.

But look at the number of happy marriages out there, bickering couples that return to the same bed every night. Can you imagine the sex they are getting? As bad as the sex may be, the loving husbands still gets it. There are no hurt feelings and even results to look forward to (having kids). To materialise love, sex is imminent, and out comes a baby to improve their sex lives even further.

Start loving, and sex will find its way to you. AND STOP RUINING THE GIRLS THAT WHITE SHEEP DESERVES!

4 (possible) Effects of Pornography

Okay, so how many of you have a porn video playing right now? Don’t lie. I know there is one person out there at it. Pornography has been part of our lives ever since the first couple decided to film their intimate moments and show it to all. And after that, a multi-billion industry was born, spanning across every imaginable fetishes and requests, meeting demands in every area normal, consensual, intimate sex has missed.

While I am sure some of you, or us, are aware of the harm, there is little benefit to stop watching. Apart from most videos being free, more premium ones can be torrented. Yet, they remain as big and unmovable behind the supporting industries.

Now, before I compare cigarettes to pornography, we all know the detrimental effects of watching it. Be it a lot or rarely, our perception of sex has been shaped by mere pop-up ads that we bump into against our wishes.

4. You seek to be the ‘Man’.
At a subconscious level, we yearn to be the male lead in every porno flick. Some might want to be as big as he is, some might want the six pack abs, some might want to be fucking the pornstars he did, and some just want the same humongous load he release towards the end. Sure, we all can wish to be someone we aren’t, cause at the end of the day, we aren’t – or can we?

I am not going to guess how many of you will exercise to get the ribbed abs, but for ‘size’, there are countless apparatus to exercise our manhood in. From BathMate, or those skeletal extender, to magic oils that will ‘open up vessels to let more blood in.. yada yada’. Sounds convenient eh? What you are doing to your man part is reckless, and when you can’t walk or eat on your own anymore, you would still be happy to know your dick is still waking up before you.

Viagra is NOT made to solve stamina issues. The usual duration for a healthy male to cum is 8 minutes, or 10 if you are healthier, and 14? if you are healthiest. To last beyond twenty minutes of intense pounding signify you have an erection problem, and the only winner in this case would be your girl climaxing non-stop.

Size doesn’t matter when you are in a relationship (except for FWB), nor stamina. She is with you for who you are, not who you wish you are.

As for the ladies, I’ll just shamelessly state that no females desire to be ‘Her’ in the poro video. Period.

3. You try to make her, Her (as in the pornstar).
When the girl in the video gag on an unusually large cock, she is suffering. Erotic asphyxiation brings about unknown levels of hurt and despair, and not meant for the general population. The various tools used on her is part of a script, and the driving force is money, NOT love.

If you have spoken to your partner about trying new stuff, then go ahead, keep within the discussed rules. Rape play, never, ever happened when your partner is unaware, unless you are into court play too. Pain, while it can bring your sex to the next level, are always treated with outmost care because of the emotional damage it can cause.

Bottomline is, your partner is not a porn star. She stayed clean for you, she stayed open to you, not so you can abuse her. If there is something you want to try, talk it out. If she says no, then no. Stop watching that particular video and put that fetish on hold. She is going to be with you for other reasons, and living out your fetishes ain’t one of them. In time, when things get mundane on the bed, try bringing it up again.

Just remember not to expect or be disappointed that your partner is not as good as your favourite pornstar. You wouldn’t be loving her as much as you fuck her if she was one.

As for the ladies.. I’m sure none of them is looking for a male pornstar to be their significant other. If not, are you one?

2. You get caught in a loop.
Once you finish a video, you’ll move on to the next, unless you came. But that’s not the ‘loop’ I’m talking about. It’s the addiction. Only a handful (like me) browses porn when I am bored, but for most of the times, it’s when you are horny. Any time before that, it would be a pre-screening of materials for needy times, and that isn’t counted.

When one doesn’t get the sex they want, they refer to porn to get themselves off. When they keep their minds drained of the required energy to think straight, they fall back onto their source of energy – porn. Desires get met momentarily when they ‘live’ out their fantasies through another guy’s point of view, and the same desire/ fetish will get stronger.

Believe it or not, that particular fetish you are into, there are thousands of titles related to it. You can effectively live out the rest of your life watching them if you don’t fast forward. To start living, more specifically, to start looking for someone to spend the rest of your lives with, you need to have energy. Once you are addicted to imagining yourself as a pornstar, you will only find it harder to be yourself.

That is the time when your normal life, fades further away from your dark side, or vice versa. People always claim to have a dangerous side to them, because of the desires that built up over the years. ‘I want to try this once in my life’, is the most commonly used excuse to introduce a new type of sex. Simply because the women in the video portrays the ecstatic look when doing it!

Break the cycle and you will find time you never had before. Don’t tell me people browse 9Gag before 9Gag was invented. What do people do? They cook, they run, they sleep, they collect stamps. To have something worth talking about! That is what keeps conversations going!

Watch less if you can’t stop at once. And start embracing the normal form of sex. One that involves kissing, touching, talking. Am I the only one who can indefinitely enjoy my partner’s hand on my cock? It feels damn arousing and uplifting! At the same time, extending our sexy time to over an hour.

1. Your perception of the opposite sex, changes.
Nudity was once seen as beautiful. Jack drawing Rose’s body, Adam standing carefree with the naked Eve. Was it sexy? It became sexy if sex happens after. Young girls suddenly embrace the idea of using their bodies to attract men, in hopes to find ‘true love’. It seems logical at first, to get a guy’s attention, then to develop a bond with him. But when your crop top reveals a bit more above your belly, you are literally using your boobs. When your low-waist shorts is too low to hide your panty seams, you are effectively using your availability of a pussy.

Iconic pop stars started displaying their wares without even trying to cover up then enforces the idea that using your body to get attention is normal. How many of your yoga pants have never been to yoga? There are some clothes classified as comfortable, and there are some under the ‘attract attention’ category.

You feel more comfortable wearing less clothes? Tell me about it. Men are feasting their eyes on minds that have their beliefs in the wrong places, enjoying the loose concept of ‘attractive’ with their little heads. Which guy would complain when you tease them with your dangerously short dress that gives them glimpses of your panties?

‘Fuck me’, is all I can see when I stroll along Bugis Street. It’s like a dare, that is only prevented due to governing laws. Our perception of ‘attention’ is no longer like in the past, where chemistry and deep understanding bonds two person. While there are more people out there redefining their stand on ‘attraction’, there are far too many who haven’t noticed the intention of the men that laid eyes on them, even for a brief moment.

Looks matter, that’s for sure. But that won’t be the only thing keeping couples together for decades to come. If you fall for someone who knows how to flaunt their bodies, I actually have no idea what will happen to you guys.

Women are special in their own ways. Their minds do not register appeal like how men distract themselves with girls in hot pants. It is a good thing that the ladies will naturally seek a stable, well-footed mind to fall in love with. But there are still too many girls falling prey to guys who sweet talk them into a relationship that is held together by ‘image’.

Digest that today.

3 Tips to Get (more) Head

Tell me, which guy don’t love getting head? Though some of us are fine without it, others live for it. The soft tissues lining the interior of the mouth is actually the same as the rite of passage babies go through, or if it helps you to understand better – the place where men unload to make life. Perhaps that’s why men are infatuated with getting their partners to go down on them.

While I belong to the type that are overwhelmed by the willingness of the girl to go down on me (before her lips even touches me), I can’t bring myself to let her suck on it for over an hour. Please, I know a few of you can spend an eternity on it if there is such a being capable of blowing it for that long. DON’T BULLY your women that way.

Here, you will find out three tips every guy should know to get more (willing) blowjobs. If you haven’t been getting much, then this might help you out.

3. Chemistry
Most of us treat oral sex as foreplay, and there are more girls ready to go down on men than men on them. There is no such thing as ‘course of nature’ for the use of mouth, because it is vastly dependent on comfort. And what makes her comfortable? Chemistry. Touching parts with hands is the more common method to get one wet or hard, and therotically, blowjob isn’t necessary to make a dick bigger.

Unless you are with a girl whose goal is to suck your life force out of you, it will take a bit of understanding to earn that extra few minutes of liptime on your rod. A simple meal, a little chat, followed by a relaxing walk around (aimlessly is fine). I know you are eager to get started on the sex part, but keep the bigger picture in mind. You want her to be yours for long right? And frankly speaking, you need sex more than her. So proceed with care, it’s her that you need to take care of.

Once the heat has been turned up, do not keep hinting that you want her to suck it. Straightening your body on a seat does NOT do anything to tell her you want it. When you start nudging her head towards your lap, that’s the end. Instead, whisper, ‘would you let my cock feel your lips too?’ and wait for her counter proposal.

You have gotten this far with her, and she’s not looking for an appraisal of her skills. Spending more time on the non-penetrative foreplay will increase the chance of getting head, so tease her all you can without expectations. If she does go down on you, take it as a surprise. Let’s face it, you are getting the better end of the deal. If you wish, you can ask if she is really okay with it. Take it as a treat, enjoy it momentarily. After all, you are not going to run the night by cumming in her mouth right? That’s fucking selfish.

Once you feel that she is tired, or you’ve had enough, stop her. She has bravely tasted your cock and even took a distance into her mouth, kiss her. If you detest how you taste, then start cleaning yourself more thoroughly, or continue reading.

2. Wiping it down.
Nothing earns you more respect than putting hygiene on top of your sexy time to-do-list. Carrying a packet of wet wipes might make you look like a pussy, but when you present her a lavender scented piece of sausage, you won’t regret being called a pussy cause you will be getting some soon.

Use as many as she needs to feel ready. Heck, clean it yourself so she won’t need to worry about hurting you. It might sting a little (if there’s alcohol), it might chaff a little, but her mouth is going to make you feel all better.

There are countless blowjobs happening concurrently to yours, and I bet a large number of them aren’t even done with outmost care, just impromptu sucking that can happen in the dirtiest place. Be a man, take care of yourself and your girl will take care of you. Smegma. Eww. Wipe that off.

In fact, a good way to keep your tool free of any rubbery, chewy bits would be to give yourself a stroke everytime you shower. Train your mind not to give in everytime you touch your cock. Clean it furiously until you are about to shoot – and stop. There, cleaned.

1. Strawberry!
Durex Play has kindly provided an edible, sweetened lubricant for intimate activities. Get a bottle of the Sweet Strawberry lubricant and use it. Other than filling up the room with a pleasant aroma, it might make her hungry just by the fruity smell. Tell her sensually to lick it all up, and reach as far as she can. Give her the excuse that the condom might slip off if there’s lubricant when you cap yourself.

No one wants a condom to slip off. Enjoy her enthusiastic indulgence on a healthy snack while getting yourself ready. Seriously, get a bottle now.

0. Bonus! Deep throat numbing Spray.
A particular shop in SG is carrying a numbing spray to be used orally. It will desensitise the gag reflex and allow a deeper penetration, while tasting like chocolate, mint or cinnamon. It costs a fair bit of money but it is like a plaster in your first aid kit. Best if no one needs it, but when someone do, you are the one with it.

Effectively, she cannot smell your cock once it’s in her mouth, but she can taste all of it. Saliva is an awesome way to lubricate if used in small amount, but in generous amount, it just says she would rather smell her own saliva than your cock.

If you have unloaded inside her mouth, let her decide what to do with it. If the chemistry is deep enough, you wouldn’t need to tell her to swallow it. Or else, onto the floor it goes. Don’t freaking force her to do anything or that will be the last you will see of her.

So while you try hard to get a girl to try these tricks on, you are free to head over to the toys section to buy a pleasure cup to use, training yourself to last longer.

5 Realities of Writing Erotica (in Singapore)

5. Erotica is a type of pornography.

When I started out writing erotica, even I am convinced that it is a form of pornography. Mind you, sex is as livid in text as in ‘visual aid’, minds being more powerful to imagine than just to interpret.

But you know what? There is a word called ‘Literature’ too! Imagine Harry Potter, Lord of The Rings, Da Vinci Code, etc. Are they real? Are they completely impossible? If you have gotten high before, you would know they are as real as deja vu. The laws of Singapore categorise ‘pornography’ as anything depicting sex, or in my own understanding, penetration of any parts deemed ‘private’. Your ear is only harmless until someone stick their whatever in it – in filmed up-close, in slow-mo.

It is time we put ‘Erotica’ in the right genre, not of pornography, but literature. Am I the only one that thinks Singapore is the last country to know the difference between theoretically possible sexual recounts from live-action HD ‘documentaries’?

This part is where I quote ‘seeing is not the same as looking’, just like ‘watching is not the same as reading’. Thanks for being here guys. Hi5!

4. You (probably) need psychological help.
Riiiiiight. Everyone that thinks of sex needs psychological help. So let’s give an applause for those who doesn’t.. wait. Do they still exist? Or are they no longer around from the non-sexual reproduction methods? Maybe, just maybe, I need psychological help. But what am I going to tell my psychologist? It takes one to know another?

We all know how the myth goes, ‘Men think about sex every 7 second’. Not true at all. I would prefer to think, ‘Men think about sex every 7 nanosecond’, just change in unit of measurement and you’ll be right. Fine, that’s a lame joke. But there are times those thoughts come naturally too! It’s not my fault. Did you see that girl bending over in that short romper to look at shoes? Or how about the absence of visible panty line (a.k.a. VPL) of that lady in the tight dress? And that student in jailbait-length skirt squatting down to pet a cat? She didn’t even wear!

Healthy imagination plays an important role for logical, proper directing of thoughts. To get laid, we first must socialise. Knowing your way around words will benefit more than just getting sex. We belong to a species that for some reason, discovered masturbation. And doing what our species do best to new discoveries, we science the bitch out of it. It turns out that, self-pleasure is actually healthy (just like chocolates, there’s never ‘enough’ or ‘too much’)!

You are given the rights, privileges and know-how to keep your hormones under control. This is how this works, if you say you do not need pleasure (be it chocolates or sex, but data has shown that chocolates get you sex), you need psychological help. But wait, no one talks about this in Singapore, except me.

Unless you are caught for being something that I’ll cover in the following topic.

3. You (probably) are a pervert/ psychopath.
Aww. Thanks! I have a perversion for cleaning my own dick as fast as I want. In this pent-up, trapped-by-other-people’s-ideals and living-for-others kind of Utopia, our minds has activated the safety mechanism no other mammals had. A liking for things that you shouldn’t.

Woohoo! Don’t we already have a long list for that? It is not the fetish I have that makes me dangerous around people. Nor is it the fetishes of others that endangers me. It is the lack of expression. Expression itself can roughly translate to physical actions. If I am into worn lingerie, I can either buy them or steal them. (Who hangs their dirty laundry out in public? What for? Someone is going to clean them for you?)

I admit I am the guy that thinks of sex every.. sex! And I choose to pen them down instead. Watching porn doesn’t relieve me, there is no EXpression in that, just IMpressions! So, the most important point is, let it OUT while you watch. Or just read one of my stories and ‘cum together’ with the male/ female lead, just mentally though! Three and more imaginary rounds wouldn’t be a problem here.

Truth is, here are no perverts in this world. Just perverts that overdo, or are caught pants down. That said, just be careful of those who seemed too normal. They probably never wore any pants. FYI, I am no underwear thief!

2. Money seems to be the only thing driving blogs these days.
Yes yes. As if you are going to pay after reading this. Well, Attention! Is what people want besides money. I can’t imagine being paid to write. It would suddenly turn my hobby into a job I am trying not to get into. The very moment you decide to go full blog-o-maniac, you will lose a little bit of motivation there.

‘Wah! If only I can stop writing and get paid.’ Of course you can! Simply stop blogging, and work just like everyone else, that’s the happy ending. As for me, I write because I choose to. Can you imagine the hours I trade to spend time in front of my typewriter instead of clubbing or boning girls? No one would choose writing about sex than to have sex. And for those who chose that, you’ll find their stories or art work as rewarding. Because their minds are out there enjoying a thousand different sex lives.

Wait! How about sex? Can sex be driving blogs? Sure! Can I eat you for dinner? I can have my ego for lunch though. If I am writing for free, I can survive on air (in case anyone of you don’t get it, I am willing to work elsewhere for the money needed to keep this site running). So don’t fret. Apart from my occasional impulsive ‘wants’, I am good on my own.

The handful of writers in my blogroll, are writing for something more than money. If I can get a single cent of what I write, of course I will be happy. But when the greedy thoughts of outsourcing and running ads for more money comes, I will be back to square one, writing for free (since you will lose all your readers because of ads).

If one day you see a subscription to read (some or all of) my blog, you will know I am hungry, and penniless.

Until then, passion will keep me going. And maybe a tinge of sex for inspiration.

1. Your sex life must be damn active.

I said, a TINGE of sex! If there is ever a limited number of ejaculations per man, I would have used up all of it already, plus my next life’s, if you count every shot I ‘shot’ in my stories and the times I didn’t blog about it. It’s my BRAIN that is active. Actively thinking about sex. I’m much more lazy (physically) in reality.

Anyway, how do you guys picture your active sex life to be? Boning at every chance you’ve got? Apparently, we are all ready to settle down for quantity over quality huh?

What if I told you, that making baby is the easiest part, but getting a good baby, takes more than your xth number of tries? Would you care a little more about what you eat? My sex life is normal. I get some of it, in manageable doses. Once in a while, I want more of it, and other times, none of it. But as the saying goes, ‘it takes two hips to sex’. So I do tend to my partner’s needs as well.

Imagination spans beyond physical limitations. In my case, I have a long dick and eternal stamina. No. My fictional characters get tired too, and they only cum three times at best. Kinda useless for fiction huh? I write when I feel noisy – a term perhaps few of you would understand since we are all tired after an intense round of JAV marathon. I do NOT write after every ejaculate.

My day job, family, friends, and even silence, creates noises. Thinking about sex actually distracts me from the events that past. When I think about sex (not necessarily penetrative), I write. When I write, my mind pours the negativity out. A clear mind, free of sexual desires and sinful lust, at least for the next few hours. In turn, you guys get to enjoy my fantasies. Am I a ladies man? Nope. Am I a sly, catfishing keyboard warrior? No to the sly catfisher part. But keyboard warrior? Yeah! It’s weird the keys never stayed down on my keyboard. A warrior never gives up!

What I wrote above is what comes to mind when I look at how this country looks at me. I write a controversial genre of literature, in a country that is not yet ready to talk about sex. Parents who sees my site will judge it to be a pornography site. It pushes thoughts into the minds of the young, but for the more mature ones, it’s just one person’s story, on one of the many websites in the world. Small, insignificant, until you take it personally. If you would take a minute to think, what will you tell your child if he/she stumbles on my blog?

  1. Parental filter it and pretend it never happened.
  2. Talk to them about the existence of such form of ‘pornography’. Here, I’ll be the bad guy you want me to be.

Seriously, reading improves English. Watching action films doesn’t. The views I expressed above, represents NO one else but me, Jhae.